I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
