walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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