OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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