I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
