i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
