Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
