We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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