I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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