she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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