yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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