Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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