Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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