I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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