It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
