Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
