I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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