he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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