3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
