Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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