the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
