we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
