would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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