Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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