it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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