I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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