So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
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Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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