Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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