Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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