He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
