just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize