ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
