I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
