Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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