Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
