and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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