She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
