the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
