She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
