Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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