$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
