i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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