It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
