I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
