It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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