Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
