my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
