That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
