pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why do cheetos always look like penises
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
