i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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