Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
