'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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