drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
