Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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