the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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