last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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