i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
