I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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