I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
