2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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