I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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