u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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