My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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