I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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