i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
