so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
