12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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