you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
