I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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