I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
